So Joe choose me over the harlot, but now I have no idea what to do next. I really don't feel the same way about him as I have been alluding to. I really have no feelings what so ever. He is a moron.
I have tried to help him get his GED, but how many years can possibly pass before he gets off his ass and takes care of business.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
What is next?
I am wondering what is next for us.
Divorce?
Counseling?
Marriage?
Is the prize worth the fight? Is the pain worth it? What do I really win...a man that has cheated on me twice already in our 10 years of marriage...another fight later on...torment and torture?
Divorce?
Counseling?
Marriage?
Is the prize worth the fight? Is the pain worth it? What do I really win...a man that has cheated on me twice already in our 10 years of marriage...another fight later on...torment and torture?
Fight to win, win to keep!
So after I finished yesterdays blog my husband returned from work. I gave him a choice to either stop contacting her or to leave and never return. I am at my wits end...I don't have enough to keep fighting for what is rightfully mine.
As we were talking, my husband (who has been trying to be honest with me about his contact to the slut) told me to read the text messages she had sent. The last one was quiet annoying. It read "once you divorce your wife we can be together." So I being completely annoyed with this home-wrecking floozies tactics emailed her back posing as my husband. In the text I simply put that Joe had decided to stay with me and that her texts were no longer welcome.
For the next six hours I would text this disgusting stain on the butt of humanity for her to reveal that she and my husband had indeed slept together once. At this point I was crushed, I left the house - thankfully my brother and sister-in-law called and asked if I would like to go watch the sunset with them up at a nearby hiking spot. I, having nothing else to do, took them up on their offer. I would not return home until close to 11 pm. Thinking my husband would be in bed, I let myself in and tiptoed in to the guest bedroom; only to find my husband sitting in the dark watching a movie.
I asked him if he had made a choice, and he said he didn't know what he wanted to do. I said it is simple who do you love more? He answered AMANDA!
I told him if that were true then to get the hell out and never return. I excused myself to the den and hid in my favorite hiding spot, under the raised daybed. I turned on some of the top ten breakup songs (1. Goodbye my Lover-by James Blunt 2. i will always love you- Whitney Houston 3. Nothing Compares to You- Sinead O'connor 4. I never told you- Colbie Caillat 5. At this moment - Billy Vera and the Beaters 6. I can't make you love me- Bonnie Raitt 7. I just don't know what to do with myself-Nicky Holland 8. Missing you- John Waite 9. Broken Wing (always makes me cry)-Martina McBride and 10. God must have spent a little more time on you- Nsync (our song).
I hadn't even finished the list of songs when he was in the room with the heart he had given me the first time he ever had to spend the night away from home; saying I love you. I will tell her that it is over.
He called her this morning and told her that he couldn't talk to her anymore. She called him back and told him that she knew it was me that is why she had said everything.
I told him before she called that she WOULD call. She needs him to rescue her sorry ass. Now she has to get a job and support herself. Yeah like that's going to happen...after she is done living off the system she will just find another man to eat up and discard.
I just prefer if she doesn't have to split up my family in order to do it.
As we were talking, my husband (who has been trying to be honest with me about his contact to the slut) told me to read the text messages she had sent. The last one was quiet annoying. It read "once you divorce your wife we can be together." So I being completely annoyed with this home-wrecking floozies tactics emailed her back posing as my husband. In the text I simply put that Joe had decided to stay with me and that her texts were no longer welcome.
For the next six hours I would text this disgusting stain on the butt of humanity for her to reveal that she and my husband had indeed slept together once. At this point I was crushed, I left the house - thankfully my brother and sister-in-law called and asked if I would like to go watch the sunset with them up at a nearby hiking spot. I, having nothing else to do, took them up on their offer. I would not return home until close to 11 pm. Thinking my husband would be in bed, I let myself in and tiptoed in to the guest bedroom; only to find my husband sitting in the dark watching a movie.
I asked him if he had made a choice, and he said he didn't know what he wanted to do. I said it is simple who do you love more? He answered AMANDA!
I told him if that were true then to get the hell out and never return. I excused myself to the den and hid in my favorite hiding spot, under the raised daybed. I turned on some of the top ten breakup songs (1. Goodbye my Lover-by James Blunt 2. i will always love you- Whitney Houston 3. Nothing Compares to You- Sinead O'connor 4. I never told you- Colbie Caillat 5. At this moment - Billy Vera and the Beaters 6. I can't make you love me- Bonnie Raitt 7. I just don't know what to do with myself-Nicky Holland 8. Missing you- John Waite 9. Broken Wing (always makes me cry)-Martina McBride and 10. God must have spent a little more time on you- Nsync (our song).
I hadn't even finished the list of songs when he was in the room with the heart he had given me the first time he ever had to spend the night away from home; saying I love you. I will tell her that it is over.
He called her this morning and told her that he couldn't talk to her anymore. She called him back and told him that she knew it was me that is why she had said everything.
I told him before she called that she WOULD call. She needs him to rescue her sorry ass. Now she has to get a job and support herself. Yeah like that's going to happen...after she is done living off the system she will just find another man to eat up and discard.
I just prefer if she doesn't have to split up my family in order to do it.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
How Am I feeling now!
I feel like there is no end in sight. My world is caving in around me and I forgot to grab the mortar. My heart is heavy and it feels like it is about to explode. I know there are others in this world that feel the same way I do because I keep reading their unhelpful comments on every marriage page I visit.
Is there really an answer to the problem? I have been scanning websites for weeks looking for someone who understands what I am going through and can offer sound advice.
One sight says give him some space-another says giving him space shows him he can do it on his own.
Marriage counseling=only works 50% of the time try my approach 92% success rate, ie change yourself
Change yourself-no, no you are who you are just call it quits.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I feel like screaming, crying, killing him and her, crying some more, sleeping, hibernating for the rest of my life, and running away to some warm place (with no snakes or bugs).
Then I remember that this is life and it just sucks right now!
I hear him backing into the driveway right now. Do I confront him with the texts, view his texts on the the text encrypted that I bought, or go to bed and say nothing? TOO MANY CHOICES!!
Is there really an answer to the problem? I have been scanning websites for weeks looking for someone who understands what I am going through and can offer sound advice.
One sight says give him some space-another says giving him space shows him he can do it on his own.
Marriage counseling=only works 50% of the time try my approach 92% success rate, ie change yourself
Change yourself-no, no you are who you are just call it quits.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I feel like screaming, crying, killing him and her, crying some more, sleeping, hibernating for the rest of my life, and running away to some warm place (with no snakes or bugs).
Then I remember that this is life and it just sucks right now!
I hear him backing into the driveway right now. Do I confront him with the texts, view his texts on the the text encrypted that I bought, or go to bed and say nothing? TOO MANY CHOICES!!
So much has happened in the last year...I don't know if I should Stay or GO!
My life has become a complicated roller-coaster over the past year. Nothing that I thought would happen has happened. Last year at this time I was toying with the idea of leaving my husband. I quickly realized after doing this blog that the reasons I had for leaving were baseless...Meaningless crap that every marriage has to deal with. I decided to just deal with the annoying traits that make my husband my husband.
However, in late January of this year I learned that there was a larger pull on my husband than I had ever imagined. Once again Joe and I were involved in a ridiculous argument. He once again lied to me about something that I can't even remember now. I stormed out the door and drove over to visit my mother...on the way Joe sent me a text saying I needed gas. (Well duh, I can read the bloody gas gauge.) I in anger text back, "Go to hell...I don't want to talk to you again until the divorce." Of course I had threatened divorce a lot, as he had as well.
Joe is Army guard and left the next day on a two week deployment out of the state. We had not resolved the issue when he left. Over the next couple days, more heated texts flew between our two cell phones. Half jokingly, half curious I text "Why are you acting like a complete ass, is there another woman?"
To my horror the text I received back was a simple, "yes!"
I immediately called him, of course he duct my first 100 calls, and when I finally reached him he said he was busy with classes. Yeah right!
Regardless to say the next two weeks the phones were used constantly. Me asking who is this other woman, him once again lying and saying I don't know her. He just met her in January at the airport. I asked if he was really going to end an 11 year relationship on a girl he just met at the airport less than a month ago.
When I finally got the truth from him, it turned out that it was the same home-wrecking slut that I had worried about years earlier.
In 2006, my husband was stationed 6 hour away from home. While he was up there he met a family that he became VERY close to. I had often called to find him making dinner with Amanda and the kids. When I asked where Amanda's husband was, I was told at work. Alarmed that my husband was alone at a strange woman's house, I drove the 300 miles to find out what was going on.
Joe assured me that nothing was going on and that they were just friends. I didn't think anything about it, until in December 2008 my husband loaned the same woman nearly 1000 dollars to rent a car. I was livid, and demanded that he get the money back immediately (took 2 months).
I finally met the family in August 2009 at the state fair. I hated them immediately. Amanda was a brackish bitch that beat up on her injured husband and pawned the children off onto anyone passing by. I was worried as well as I watched her hang onto my husband and demand on going on rides with Joe.
This all ended when Joe returned home in December 2009, so I thought. That is until I started seeing emails, texts, and messages from Amanda in October. I once again demanded that my husband stop communicating with her, which he obliged so I think until this past January.
During the drill in which my husband told me there was another woman, he told me that he was leaving me for her and that he would not be returning home after the drill. He was actually going to move directly in with the now divorced and childless Amanda (OCS took her children because she is mentally unstable). When I learned this I understood why she was so desperate to regain access to my husband.
I told my husband to give it three months and I guaranteed that Amanda would have moved on to someone else. This prediction was justified when two weeks later she had moved back in with her ex0husband (poor bastard). She had already had him charged with domestic violence and lied about him in every manner. This did however convince my husband to stay with me.
I told him no more contact with Amanda. Yeah that lasted all of a month. Here it is August 2011 and there are 17 texts and 2 phone calls between the two of them just yesterday.
I want to fight for our 10 year marriage, but I am not strong enough to keep fighting.
I want to give him an ultimatum..Her or me. But I worry he will choose the once again single and still childless Amanda.
I am not sure if there is a way to save this marriage. He insists that they are just friends, but he says that he loves her and has feelings for her.
However, in late January of this year I learned that there was a larger pull on my husband than I had ever imagined. Once again Joe and I were involved in a ridiculous argument. He once again lied to me about something that I can't even remember now. I stormed out the door and drove over to visit my mother...on the way Joe sent me a text saying I needed gas. (Well duh, I can read the bloody gas gauge.) I in anger text back, "Go to hell...I don't want to talk to you again until the divorce." Of course I had threatened divorce a lot, as he had as well.
Joe is Army guard and left the next day on a two week deployment out of the state. We had not resolved the issue when he left. Over the next couple days, more heated texts flew between our two cell phones. Half jokingly, half curious I text "Why are you acting like a complete ass, is there another woman?"
To my horror the text I received back was a simple, "yes!"
I immediately called him, of course he duct my first 100 calls, and when I finally reached him he said he was busy with classes. Yeah right!
Regardless to say the next two weeks the phones were used constantly. Me asking who is this other woman, him once again lying and saying I don't know her. He just met her in January at the airport. I asked if he was really going to end an 11 year relationship on a girl he just met at the airport less than a month ago.
When I finally got the truth from him, it turned out that it was the same home-wrecking slut that I had worried about years earlier.
In 2006, my husband was stationed 6 hour away from home. While he was up there he met a family that he became VERY close to. I had often called to find him making dinner with Amanda and the kids. When I asked where Amanda's husband was, I was told at work. Alarmed that my husband was alone at a strange woman's house, I drove the 300 miles to find out what was going on.
Joe assured me that nothing was going on and that they were just friends. I didn't think anything about it, until in December 2008 my husband loaned the same woman nearly 1000 dollars to rent a car. I was livid, and demanded that he get the money back immediately (took 2 months).
I finally met the family in August 2009 at the state fair. I hated them immediately. Amanda was a brackish bitch that beat up on her injured husband and pawned the children off onto anyone passing by. I was worried as well as I watched her hang onto my husband and demand on going on rides with Joe.
This all ended when Joe returned home in December 2009, so I thought. That is until I started seeing emails, texts, and messages from Amanda in October. I once again demanded that my husband stop communicating with her, which he obliged so I think until this past January.
During the drill in which my husband told me there was another woman, he told me that he was leaving me for her and that he would not be returning home after the drill. He was actually going to move directly in with the now divorced and childless Amanda (OCS took her children because she is mentally unstable). When I learned this I understood why she was so desperate to regain access to my husband.
I told my husband to give it three months and I guaranteed that Amanda would have moved on to someone else. This prediction was justified when two weeks later she had moved back in with her ex0husband (poor bastard). She had already had him charged with domestic violence and lied about him in every manner. This did however convince my husband to stay with me.
I told him no more contact with Amanda. Yeah that lasted all of a month. Here it is August 2011 and there are 17 texts and 2 phone calls between the two of them just yesterday.
I want to fight for our 10 year marriage, but I am not strong enough to keep fighting.
I want to give him an ultimatum..Her or me. But I worry he will choose the once again single and still childless Amanda.
I am not sure if there is a way to save this marriage. He insists that they are just friends, but he says that he loves her and has feelings for her.
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