The big "D" word finally rears its ugly head

So Joe went off to play war again and again he did his disgusting break up ploy where he calls me to tell me that he is finished with me. I finally realized what I had been doing wrong. I found this book that my mother had actually given to me on my wedding night. I thought yeah right that's never going to be me. I will never be a surrendered wife, but I finally started reading it and learned that it is really a book that shows you how to respect your mate. I read the book and took the suggestions to heart.

I just went to visit Joe, and after getting him in trouble with his squad leader, the squad leader let him come home with me. We spent 5 glorious days playing the makeup game, everything was going great until he got the text that he had to be at drill at 8. With that text came the real Joe, he told me that he wanted a divorce and everything that I have done is to late. I told him that I would accept his decision.

I accept that it is over and I will not pursue him any longer. Unfortunately, that still does not save me the pain. I have been unable to eat, sleep or drink for the last 10 days. I have lost nearly 30 pounds already. I am beginning to feel really great, but I also fear that I am becoming anorexic. I have lost all control of everything else, but no one can force me to eat. It feels very freeing. Every time food comes near my lips I want to vomit. I am okay with this disorder, some times it is overrated. I just don't feel like eating.

I only have 5 feelings at this time and none of them are positive. All my feelings are dark and cold, I see no end of these horrid feelings. I feel:

• Cold
• Lonely
• depressed
• hurt
• numb

I wish these feelings would fade away, but I see no end in sight. I wish I could talk to someone about the way things ended.